mega tilt

Ok, last night’s session of pot limit holdem on party was one for the books. The last couple of nights Garbs and I have been playing at the $25 game. The combination of bad play and ease of tilt that these players have makes for a great night of low stakes poker.

We’ll start off with Manfunk1, a 27 year old girl from New York with $100+ in front of her. She had the largest stack at the table.. so naturally garbs and I set her as our first target. She is a great example of just how bad players are at these tables. A player like this proves to be tough to read (which resulted in me giving garbs some costly advice). Here’s a great hand to demonstrate her play:

I have JJ on the small blind and she has AA on the button.
***** Hand History for Game 1789496878 *****
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to dcodez [ Jc Js ]
TubeFish folds.
flaxseed111 folds.
poker_wizkid raises [$0.85].
alycat1921 folds.
garbs7 calls [$0.85].
manfunk1 calls [$0.85]. I can only guess that here she is thinking that Poker_wizkid has the other pair of aces and that a split pot is inevitable, so she flat calls
wonaway folds.
dcodez raises [$3.75].
poker_wizkid folds.
garbs7 folds.
manfunk1 calls [$3.15]. OMG, the nerve of dcodez pot betting. Maybe he has the other pair of aces… It’s a possibility that he doesn’t and maybe I should raise… nah.. he has the aces.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 7s, Qc, 3c ]
dcodez bets [$5].
manfunk1 calls [$5]. F, he doesn’t have the aces.. he has the queens and just spiked a set on my ass!
** Dealing Turn ** [ 4d ]
dcodez bets [$5].
manfunk1 calls [$5]. OMG, I can’t believe my aces got cracked.. I’ll call anyway.. maybe he’s bluffing me and he only has aces himself and doesn’t want to split the pot like a gentleman :(
** Dealing River ** [ 9s ]
dcodez checks.
manfunk1 checks Whats this? He checks?.. so I was right! He does have the aces.. OK, I’ll check and we’ll split the pot.
dcodez shows [ Jc, Js ] a pair of jacks.
manfunk1 shows [ Ah, Ad ] a pair of aces.
manfunk1 wins $28.35 from the main pot with a pair of aces.


So no big deal.. losing 14 bucks like that puts a big grin on my face. It was only a few hands later that I was able to use Manfunks splendid play to refill my bank roll:

I limp in with A9s under the gun and manfunk has 55 on the smallblind
***** Hand History for Game 1789742775 *****
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to dcodez [ Ah 9h ]
dcodez calls [$0.25].
Squeegeeguy folds.
flaxseed111 folds.
PURVIS23 folds.
lordeeme folds.
spngbb folds.
garbs7 calls [$0.25].
POKERSMACK folds.
manfunk1 calls [$0.15].
NMKID checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 9d, 5h, 2d ]
manfunk1 bets [$0.25]. Wow, I flopped the set! I’ll flick a quarter out there.. this pot will be juicy in no time!
NMKID folds.
dcodez raises [$1].
garbs7 folds.
manfunk1 calls [$0.75]. OMG, that guy raised me again.. he must have the set of 9’s.. F.. maybe he’s playing JJ again.. There’s about a 2% chance he doesn’t have the set of 9’s .. I’ll call this and see what happens :)
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ad ]
manfunk1 bets [$2]. Ok… a quarter didn’t get any respect.. I’ve got to step in up and show no fear!
dcodez raises [$4].
manfunk1 calls [$2]. That SOB.. I knew he had the 9’s
** Dealing River ** [ As ]
manfunk1 bets [$3]. Ok, I now have a full house.. wow 3 bucks is the largest bet I’ve ever made.. well here goes nothing.. WEEEE!!!!
dcodez raises [$15].
manfunk1 calls [$12]. Wowza.. this guy has 4 aces.. I want to see um!
dcodez shows [ Ah, 9h ] a full house, Aces full of nines.
manfunk1 doesn't show [ 5d, 5s ] a full house, Fives full of aces.
dcodez wins $38.95 from the main pot with a full house, Aces full of nines.


Now again.. If I hadn’t caught that 3rd ace on the river for the nuts… I would have a big grin on my face if I had only lost $8 with aces up. But, as it turned out.. I was able to take control of the pot the whole way and put her on tilt.

This is about the time when it was pretty evident that the whole table was playing at their worst..
I have A4s on the button and limp. Purvis has 22 on the big blind. This is one of the strangest hands I’ve ever seen.


***** Hand History for Game 1789692108 *****
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to dcodez [ 4c Ac ]
rickrom00 has left the table.
poker_wizkid calls [$0.25].
POKERSMACK calls [$0.25].
dcodez calls [$0.25].
Squeegeeguy calls [$0.15].
PURVIS23 checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ As, 3d, 3c ]
PURVIS23 bets [$1].
dcodez calls [$1].
Squeegeeguy folds.
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ah ]
PURVIS23 bets [$3.1].
dcodez calls [$3.1].
** Dealing River ** [ 8s ]
PURVIS23 checks.
dcodez bets [$6].
PURVIS23 calls [$6].
dcodez shows [ 4c, Ac ] a full house, Aces full of threes.
PURVIS23 doesn't show [ 2d, 2s ] two pairs, aces and threes.
dcodez wins $20.4 from the main pot with a full house, Aces full of threes.


Purvis for whatever reason, fires $1 out on the flop.. OK, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on that bet. When the board pairs aces on the turn, there is no possible hand out there that is worse than his! His best hope is that I have deuces too and that were going to split.. That being the case.. he fires 3 bucks out. And if that’s not baffling enough.. checking the river and then calling $6.. 150% of what he’s invested so far.. in hopes that I either have 22 or one of the 6 unpaired hands that can be made of cards between 4 and 7 to play the board and split.

Ok, so we’re almost to the grand finale that causes the table to explode. First, I get into a hand with Squeeguy where he has top 2 and I flop the flush. I lead right out into the pot and bet.. he didn’t hesitate to give me all his money. Steamed, he rebuys and is ready to go on mega-tilt.

IM conversation between me and garbs before I sat down, where I’m talking about hands I play to break people:
bergo: yeah.. my pl game is a lot different than limit
bergo: i limp in late with all types of shit
bergo: not garbage..
bergo: but shit
garbs : 810o
bergo: yeah
garbs : Q10o
garbs : heh
bergo: i'll even call a pot bet with that type of hand


So, here I am on the big blind with 10,6 off.. Squeegeeguy bets 75 cents under the gun with JJ. Needless to say.. he’s just asking for trouble with a bet like that.


***** Hand History for Game 1789796537 *****
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to dcodez [ 6d Tc ]
Squeegeeguy raises [$0.75].
lordeeme calls [$0.75].
dcodez calls [$0.5].
** Dealing Flop ** [ 3d, Th, 2c ]
dcodez checks.
Squeegeeguy bets [$2.25].
lordeeme folds.
dcodez calls [$2.25]. Now, the way squeegee has been playing.. I’m going to take one off and see if he’s got the balls to bet the turn big.. if he does, I’ll give him credit for a big pair.. if he doesn’t.. than he’s got AK or some other missed cards.
** Dealing Turn ** [ 6c ]
IM conversation when this turn hits
bergo: i'm busting this guy
garbs : nice
dcodez checks.
Squeegeeguy bets [$6].
dcodez raises [$15].
Squeegeeguy raises [$18]. he literally put this reraise in a split second after i raised him.. it was like I cleared my thought when I said raise or something. It's funny that he didn't go all-in right here.. nope. that happened 2 seconds later.
dcodez raises [$18].
Squeegeeguy is all-In.
** Dealing River ** [ Kh ]
dcodez shows [ 6d, Tc ] two pairs, tens and sixes.
Squeegeeguy shows [ Jd, Jc ] a pair of jacks.
dcodez wins $8.34 from side pot #1 with two pairs, tens and sixes.
dcodez wins $53.37 from the main pot with two pairs, tens and sixes.


And 3…2…1.. BLAST OFF…

Squeegeeguy: you MF... c u n t
manfunk1: u have hit a lot of runners tonight d
dcodez: u love my XXXX
dcodez: cu.nt
Squeegeeguy: keep playing XXXX like that you coc skn mf
dcodez: k
dcodez: i'm all wet for another pot like that
Squeegeeguy: IM GONNA FU
dcodez: sounds good..
dcodez: got um spread wide open
Squeegeeguy: just like your whorer wife
dcodez: yup.. my wife is a slu.t
Squeegeeguy: how much you spend a month playin... XXX loser
dcodez: whatever money i make sucking coc.k for directions to Compton
dcodez: u want me to suck you off?
dcodez: dump another buy in to me and i will
Squeegeeguy: oh so you work with your wife
Squeegeeguy: thats it... play XXXX
dcodez: just put me on your buddy list..
dcodez: and follow me around
Squeegeeguy: your not my buddy you fk
garbs7: lol
dcodez: you're my buddy.. money buys me my friends

Squeegeeguy loses a medium size pot to somebody else.

dcodez: don't go broke sqeegy
dcodez: i want some
Squeegeeguy: XXXX
Squeegeeguy: you people suc
dcodez: i was nervous that squeegeeguy was going to dump off the rest
manfunk1: another frikn river
Squeegeeguy: yo fu
dcodez: i can't handle not getting it all
Squeegeeguy: how many times can you losers out draw me
dcodez: i've got bills to pay.. and a mad crack habbit
Squeegeeguy: your girl gets it all XXX loser
Squeegeeguy: fat c u n t
dcodez: that's right
dcodez: the fattest in 5 counties

I start limping in every hand just to try and bust this guy again, but he’s folding everything

dcodez: squee, i'm limping around like a gimp over here just to let you in an easy pot
Squeegeeguy: so how is the XXXXX
dcodez: going to bed soon.. don't have much time to take the rest of that cash
dcodez: last round for me.. squee.. i'll be back on tomorrow
manfunk1: c'mon d don't rob him of his chance
dcodez: he's playing hard to get with that last 25
manfunk1: i would too if I was up against a guy who raises everything and has hit a few rivers tonight
dcodez: i'm hard up.. but i can live without it for another day
Squeegeeguy: if you need money that bad ill just send it to ya
manfunk1: now tha's friendship
dcodez: manfunk.. don't worry.. you have no clue how to play a hand when it falls in your lap
dcodez: i appreciate you playing your set so cute (referring to when she hit presto on flop and bet a quarter.. only to dump her money once I had aces full)
manfunk1: thx, i'll keep that in mind next time u hit runner runner to win
dcodez: i'll be able to buy a fix of meth from your contribution
dcodez: don't worry.. nothing i could say could put a clue in your game
dcodez: i also appreciate you checking your wired aces behind me on the river
manfunk1: that's true, there's not enough wisdom in ur playing to teacg anything
dcodez: very nice of you to be concerned
dcodez: i know
Squeegeeguy: you watch alot of poker on TV
manfunk1: i'm not. ur odds will lose it all for u in the end
dcodez: i'll be the first to admit that i'm just a junky
dcodez: i know
dcodez: my credit cards are maxed
dcodez: and i just can't give enough hand jobs to keep up
ryansa77: gross
manfunk1: stick with poker, ur bad play will make people happier than the rest of u
dcodez: cool.. put me on your buddy list
manfunk1: no thx, it's nice to play with decent people
dcodez: decent?
dcodez: your short term memory isn't very good
dcodez: you must be elderly
manfunk1: i'm not sure how u got to short term memory from spelling, but whatever works for u
dcodez: you're the one who decided to jump on squeez wagon
dcodez: and start the XXXX talking
manfunk1: not the wagon, he was pissed about getting rivered and u had the bad taste to make fun of him for it
dcodez: lol
garbs7: yeah dcodez, that was bad taste
manfunk1: ur an ass who doesn't care about people u can't see
dcodez: is the 4th card out the river?
dcodez: lol
manfunk1: case made
dcodez: you know what.. i think you're right
dcodez: i'm going to sleep on it
dcodez: and wake up with some morning wood

I decide to call it a night and leave the table.. I’m still chatting with garbs via IM and watching him at the table. Garbs really gets rolling with some great subtle humor that they totally miss. Keep in mind.. they just think Garbs is some random dude.

Balsimo2: i cashed 100 in the last hour already

Squeegeeguy: wow... 100... i dont think ive ever got that high
garbs7: you might get there now that dcodez isn't here to chop your legs off
Squeegeeguy: no doubt
Squeegeeguy: did he EVER go in with the best cards
garbs7: dude, that guy went in with like 6-10 offsuit!
garbs7: and kicked your ass!!
garbs7: unreal
garbs7: manfunk how old are you?
manfunk1: 27, why
garbs7: oh, you just seem very matronly to me. very decent, you know..
manfunk1: i'll take that as a compliment.
garbs7: yes, i too enjoy the company of decent players
manfunk1: chuckle; I like to have fun playing with people rather than stroke my ego at their expense
garbs7: not like that cu.nt mother.fuc.ker dcodez. what a crude man
Squeegeeguy: lol... well put
manfunk1: I never understood why some people think that because you can't see a person, u should be human to them
garbs7: i know. he likes to stroke all kinds of things.
ryansa77: you're not supposed to use the c-word around a lady
manfunk1: high school is like that. no offense to any young players out there
garbs7: i thought ladies preferred to call it cun.t
rrmike: yeah way to call another guy crude lol
garbs7: my ex-girlfriend told me that
garbs7: she said, "spit on my cun.t!!"
garbs7: she was not decent at all
ryansa77: that's hot
garbs7: that's why i broke up with that fu,cking vag
manfunk1: lol
manfunk1: being decent or not is all about timing
garbs7: i think she and dcodez would hit it off
manfunk1: i don't think he'da known what to do with her
Squeegeeguy: they can spit on each other cnt
Squeegeeguy: others
garbs7: i tried to teach that cun.t poker, but she would only bet a quarter after hitting a set.
garbs7: so I squeeed all over her face after I sucked out
garbs7: manfunk are you married?
manfunk1: nope
manfunk1: not that matronly yet
garbs7: Hey squee, i thought you said you were bailing?
manfunk1: he likes the company. Or an addiction is a difficult thing to face
garbs7: you must not be used to having money at the end of the night
garbs7: heh
Squeegeeguy: forgot to click the post off... so 1 more round..lol
garbs7: how many times did you rebuy anyway?
Squeegeeguy: 1.5
#1789987128: djmockba wins $5
manfunk1: just about made it all back
Squeegeeguy: down 7 yeah
rrmike: u were never learning garbs?
garbs7: what?
manfunk1: learning to play u mean?
rrmike: yeah
garbs7: yeah, this is the first time i've played poker online
manfunk1: good start
rrmike: bs
garbs7: well, i've played in various home games for about 3 months, so i'm pretty good at Texas Hold'em now
manfunk1: chuckle. There may be a hustler among us
rrmike: and getting around language filters on chat
garbs7: Although my favorite game is Trees.
rrmike: u hang out in chat rooms a lot then?
garbs7: where you keep trading cards until everyone is happy
#1789991154: Squeegeeguy wins $1.9 from the main pot with two pairs, fours and twos.
garbs7: online is a little tougher though. this is my 15th rebuy today. ugh
garbs7: i've managed to hold on to this last one for a while though
djmockba: so how much did you loose?
manfunk1: wow, good luck getting it. I was down for a while before getting out of the red. Just be patient
#1789996811: daratz1786 wins $3.65 from the main pot with two pairs, aces and queens.
garbs7: why thank you manfunk. you ARE matronly and decent after all
rrmike: i've never been in the red online. Haven't been for a couple years at b&m but i've gone on some bad runs
manfunk1: chuckle
garbs7: although I don't care for you name one trifle
garbs7: what is B&M mike?
rrmike: brick and mortar
rrmike: casino
#1790000619: RiverRat322 wins $19.35 from the main pot with a flush, king high with king kicker.
garbs7: i don't understand why i lost
garbs7: didn't we both have the flush?
garbs7: hey!
manfunk1: his flush was bigger, he had a K
garbs7: he took my money and ran
djmockba: he had the king
garbs7: he did?
manfunk1: yup
djmockba: king hi flush
garbs7: but i had the jack
manfunk1: j is lower
garbs7: XXXX
rrmike: you're funny garbs
garbs7: thanks mike. i actually tried to do standup comedy once while attending college.
garbs7: it didn't go so well
manfunk1: that's a tough gig
#1790005026: djmockba wins $5.7
garbs7: someone through a bagel at me
garbs7: threw
rrmike: lol
manfunk1: coulda been worse. it could have been slimy veggies
djmockba: b eer
garbs7: do you like slimy veggies manfunk?
manfunk1: not so much.
#1790009696: garbs7 wins $3.7
manfunk1: but throwing things is fun
rrmike: wow scared everyone in
djmockba: wow....what heppend?
manfunk1: can't wait to see this action
Squeegeeguy: 10 10 KK AA
rrmike: we all got good hands
manfunk1: i bet someone is in on the old 6 9
Squeegeeguy: lol
manfunk1: nothing like a straight draw
rrmike: i think i might be in trouble nobody else was supposed to call
garbs7: YEA
manfunk1: holy XXXX on a stick
garbs7: what happened???
garbs7: i can't believe i won
ryansa77: now that's a river
Squeegeeguy: gl all... nite... nh garb
rrmike: dam that sucks.
garbs7: MANFUNK! that is not lady like.
rrmike: gl all
manfunk1: u had the best pair going in, and then rivered so trips beat AK
garbs7: I AM AWESOME
manfunk1: what wasn't ladylike?
#1790017731: garbs7 wins $5.1
garbs7: your language!
manfunk1: what'd i say?
garbs7: holy XXXX on a stick
manfunk1: well i was very happy for u. and we'll never know what's behind those X's will we?

.......
manfunk1: i'm convinced my streak of bad hands should end. but it just isn't so i'm turning in soon
manfunk1: 2 pair so u know
garbs7: what did you have manfunk?
garbs7: ace?
manfunk1: yes
garbs7: nice
manfunk1: plus the 5
garbs7: ooh
manfunk1: would have rather had the Q, but the betting wasn't too high
garbs7: i almost had a straight
manfunk1: that would have put a crimp in my style
garbs7: we wouldn't want you to get crimped...
manfunk1: chuckle. at this hour i think I'm past crimped
#1790044378: garbs7 wins $10 from the main pot with a straight, two to six.
garbs7: weee
manfunk1: Good night all, it's been fun playing with u
manfunk1: enjoy that fat stack garbs
garbs7: you want to enjoy this fat stack with me?
djmockba: see yah
manfunk1: lol
garbs7: you're leaving?!
manfunk1: gl
garbs7: MADAM I PROTEST!
garbs7: YOU ARE FAR TOO CRIMPED TO GIVE UP NOW

Funny manfunk1 Quote, before all the madness started:
'manfunk1: money is in not losing your shirt and getting the idiots to have faith in their crap'

So, my final words of this blog post:
Manfunk.. thanks for having enough faith in my crap and not betting your monsters. I wouldn’t be wearing your shirt if it wasn’t for that